January 1999

Previous: December 1998

5 January

Today is the first working day. I decided to stay home today, because I did not have access to the computer over the holidays. I have not done much during the holidays: In the last days of December I was trying to arrange a voluntary job, but all these organizations were already celebrating. I went to thew pool, including December 31 (the pool is bigger than in Novo, but there were only about 10 swimmers on the 31st). Of course I was also buying some food for long holidays, but nothing special.

On the New Year’s Eve I spent about an hour with my Mum and Granny, till 23.30 and went to sleep. I did not want to look at doddering Yelstin who was going to make his speech on all the channels, and I did not notice anything interesting afterwards in the TV program. So at 0.00 I was already in bed, but I could not fall asleep for two more hours because from midnight they started to blast off their rockets and crackers and there was such cannonade as if I were in the middle of a battle.

Next day in the morning we had some rest and watched TV. In the evening Mum and I went to Yulia and had a talk with her about working 3 more weeks on the house. Mother said that by end of January we need to make the place livable for her, or else she would insist on erecting a brick wall across the house. If the ground floor is fit to live in, she would, I hope, sell the flat and lend me some money for the emigration when I return. So before my departure everything must be settled.

On the 2d we were working most of the day. I was pulling out planks from the botched-up floor (a few months ago Dad hired some totally unskilled workmen who took my money but just spoiled the material), and Mother was cleaning. We started again yesterday (Jan. 4), but Mother decided to have a talk with Dad and Yulia again so they talked for several hours and I was reading in the next room. They agreed not to put up the wall, instead they would do the necessary work for 1-2 months. Alas, they have had a lot of such agreements, I am sick of it really.

During the holidays when there was no work about the house, I was mostly reading. I read “A Christmas Carol” (1845) by Charles Dickens (I started to read it on Christmas, on hearing an extract broadcast by BBC). Next I started to read another novel, “Silas Marner” (1861) by George Eliot, but I think I’ll put it off, because the style is a bit too heavy. I’d rather read something more up-to-date. I have made lists of books that I should read (over 200 titles): fiction 1) foundation reading (what they usually read at college), 2) further reading, and 3) non-fiction. It’s a disgrace that I am so badly read person: I could mark only about 25 titles that I have read. I need to read at least one book a week for years to improve. Then my vocabulary will grow as well as my thinking and creativity.

Of the films that I have seen lately: a Swedish film “My Life as a Dog” (in Swedish with English subtitles). It’s about a small boy (10-12 y.o.) who has difficulty to get on with his mother; he is too fidgety and lives in dreams, and the mother is too exacting and has some family and health problems. When she dies the boy goes to leave with his uncle and his family and he makes friends with a local tomboy.

Another film was “Fanny and Alexander” (also in Swedish with English subtitles). It was also recently shown in Russian on the Kultura Channel. The film is about a Swedish family living in the 1900s: the children Fanny and Alexander, their mother who loses her husband, a theatre owner and actor, and marries a stern and cruel priest. The film is very long, about 5 hours.

I borrowed these films from an American video rental. Unfortunately, their prices are much too high (there was no rental fee this time, because I borrowed these cassettes as “a new client”, but they require a deposit of $22 per cassette and for further cassettes they charge a rental of 55-75 rubles per cassette for 2 days). I’ll find out whether I can borrow films at the Library of Foreign Literature during the next 1 – 2 months (although they do not have anything in Swedish).

Today I have received a short letter from the Swedish community where I am hoping to go. They say they have several candidates, and they will let me know “as soon as possible” whether they accept me. Meanwhile I think I should find out about other opportunities of working abroad and not rely much on Sweden.

The holidays have been very long and I’ve stayed all the time at home, because I think most of the places are closed and I do not have much cash to spare in Moscow anyway. The past days have not been very productive. I’ve slept badly in my room. For some reason it is difficult to fall asleep in the evenings (I turn about in bed a lot before finally falling asleep) and at night I often get awakened by hunks of ice falling from the chimney top on the metal roof.

The weather was warm for several days till the 8^th and everything was melting, still it took me a couple of hours to dig 6 bucketfuls of sand from the sand pile for the house. The next day (8th) everything froze completely. Now all paths are covered with ice and the field between the flat and the house now looks like a skating ring.

Mother was cross with me when it all froze, because she told me to go on with digging the sand, and I said it was very inefficient work and suggested buying new sand instead. For her it is important to do doggedly some work, especially a very heavy work even if is almost useless, like a mule; that’s her understanding of “real work”. Today again we spend half of the day on nauseating talks about the house, who should do what, and so on and so forth. The result is that after 23d I am moving to Yulia’s room (she will live in mine I think) and I will be cooking my meals in the house. I also have to decide about the wall before I go abroad. Today Mother also returned me some money, which she borrowed in September to buy goods at old prices.

The surroundings here (in this country and at my present home) is hardly conducive to any productive work or studies so I hope get away to Sweden as soon as I can. There I hope I will work and live in peace and will be able to study languages that I need for the emigration. If they do not accept me, I will try to earn money for the emigration. I may go to some courses, like driving, to increase my value as a professional. I also should clarify some points about emigration to Canada and decide whether to apply now.

I feel tired today. I think I’ll finish at this today.

12 January

[…] I was in Moscow yesterday and went to the pool. It costs now 30 rubles per a swim; but they allowed me to use my December ticket which is not fully used (in Novomoskovsk it cost 4-5 rb. a year ago). I definitely need to go to the pool, although I do not always in the mood to swim, the schedule is not very convenient, and I have to carry my pool things all over Moscow. Still I feel very refreshed after the pool for one-two days.

Also I bought some food and cleaning things on the market, as usual, printed out files at Yulia’s job, sent an enquiry about a volunteer job in Germany.

Today I stayed home and mainly spent time at the computer. I haven’t done much, as usual, when I stay at home. I keep getting up late and spend time very inefficiently. I really need to go somewhere abroad as soon as possible, I can’t have normal life here. Still I should try my best.

Next: March 1999