Note on currencies. Various currencies are used in the text. Here's an approximate conversion at the March exchange rates: USD 1 = SEK 8.30 = 24 roubles (rb.); SEK 1 (kr.) = 3 rb.; FIM 1 = 4 rb.

March

The trip. In the last day in Russia (9 March) I was extremely busy and barely caught my train. I was preparing the last papers for the Canadian Embassy, then bought the train ticket and a rucksack. I came home at 21.00 and the train was to leave Moscow at 23.00. I packed things with my Mum on the double and then hurried to the elektrichka (suburban train). I missed one, but nevertheless arrived to our Paveletski Station with the next one at 22.45 then took a taxi to the Leningradski Train Station (150 rubles). I got in about 2 minutes before it left.

I had two big bags and a rucksack, so I just stepped in the nearest train car. I decided not to trudge through the train with all my luggage and stay where I was. It cost additional 80 rub. because it included one meal (a plastic box with sausage, bread, butter, etc.) and bed linen. Only when I arrived to Sweden I found that I had some food with me - bread and lard that my mother had put in my bag. I had a fellow traveller in the train compartment: a man from Afghanistan who was studying in St. Petersburg. I was a bit anxious about my money (about DM 2500), I carried the purse on me all the time and the most part was sewn in my clothes. I arrived to St. Petersburg next morning at 7.10.

I asked some people on the platform for the directions to the Europe Hotel and went there by trolley-bus. It was only a 10-minutes ride along Nevsky Prospekt. I do not know the city; I was there briefly at the ages of 2 and 15. The city is really beautiful, but the houses are in bad disrepair.

On arriving to the Europe, I stood there for half an hour until the bus came. Fortunately, there was enough space (they did not accept reservations). I showed my passport, paid the fare (630 rubles) and off we went.

The man sitting next to me was also going to Sweden, so we decided to travel together. He used to sail to Sweden from St. Petersburg and buy goods there at low prices (such as used car tires, auto oils, even furniture) and resell them in St Pete. But now there was no longer a direct ferry line from St. Pete (Russian Baltic Shipping Co. is bankrupt), so this business was no longer profitable. He was just invited to Sweden by his friends.

At the border we were checked twice: at the Russian and Finnish check points (the bus also). We also had a short stop at the duty free shop where I bought a 0.5 l. of Finnish vodka Finlandia (USD 4.5) - it could be a present for someone in Sweden. After that we stopped again at a roadside Finnish cafe. I had a modest breakfast: stewed cabbage with sausage and free salad (170 rub.). Then we continues our trip to Helsinki. We went mainly through the country side, now and then we past detached one-floor houses. The road was smooth, everything around was neat and covered with snow.

At 16:00 (local time - 1 hour earlier than Moscow) we arrived to Helsinki. I couldn't see much of the city as we headed straight to the harbour, but it seemed smaller than St. Petersburg. Then I and three more people from the ferry waited in the ticked ferry office for 2 hours until they started to sell the tickets and to check in to the ferry.

I bought the cheapest ticket (FIM 119) without a sleeping place, thus saving about FIM 100, but the man with whom I was going from St. Pete invited me into his cabin. The size was less than the Russian Khhruschev-style kitchen, but it had four beds (2 bottom, 2 up) and a tiny toilet with a shower. With us there was also a Yugoslav living in Sweden and a Swede. There was also a Finn, but he left immediately when he saw so many Slav faces, so I got his bed. The ship was immense: 7 decks with several restaurants, duty-free shopping centre, lounges with TVs and a concert hall where I saw a clown show. Everything on the ship was expensive, I bought only a toothpaste and three apples.

We arrived to Stockholm at 9:00 a.m. local time (2-hour difference with Moscow). I got on the bus (20 kr.) and went to the central bus station where I had to wait for the bus to Umeе. While I was waiting I changed my DM to SEK, because I was told at the exchange office that I could keep only SEK in a Swedish bank. At 12.30 I got on the Umeе bus to go to Hudiksvall (250 km from Stockholm, the centre of Hudiksvall Kommun that includes also Delsbo, a small town where I live). The fare was 145 kr (with a student card). At 16.00 we arrived to Sцderhamn from where I rang that I'm coming. I also went to drink a cup of tea, but only when I made it I asked the price - 13 kr! I paid nevertheless.

At 17.00 the bus arrived to Hudiksvall. The man from Staffansgеrden (that's the place of the community where I was to work and live) was already waiting for me in the car. So we went. The distance is about 30 km. We talked about my work; he asked me what musical instruments I could play and whether I liked to cook (I said that I'm used to cooking simple meals for myself).

Staffansgеrden is made up of several 2-3 storey houses where mentally handicapped (called "villagers") live together with "co-workers" who care for them. There is a number of work-shops at the site: weavery, joinery, musical instruments making shop, and bakery.

First 10 days I lived in Staffansgеrden in the house called Solvдnda. The man who drove me to Staffansgеrden also lives there, he's the chief of the house. Besides him there's a Chinese family (two co-workers with a 6-months-old baby) and a Swedish girl. There I took care of two middle-aged men. In the morning I woke them up, helped them to take their bath, combed and shaved them, brushed the teeth, changed clothes and gave medicines. From 9 to 12 and from 15 to 17 there's work in the workshops. I weaved and warped in the weavery (it's easy to learn) and assembled guitars in the music instrument shop (the piece that keeps the strings).

There were also other activities: Bible meetings/readings (Sat., Sun.), gymnastics (Wed., we were jumping over the horse and played bandy - I felt pain all over the body for a couple of days afterwards).

On Sunday we went to a zoo in Jдrvsц. It's made in a forest where there's a long circled path along pens with various animals: wolves, bears, foxes, owls, deer, etc. We brought sandwiches and roasted sausages over the fire in a wooden hut for guests. The entrance cost a steep 70 kr. per person, but I didn't have to pay.

On 20 March I was transferred to another estate, Mickelsgеrden, 2 km away where I'm staying now.

Mickelsgеrden. I was told that there's more work for me here. There are four houses here; I live in Mickelshuset. I look after one man who lives in the next room and help to care for a few others. Mickelsgеrden is a farming/gardening place. Before I moved here I worked here for two days carrying and sawing/chopping wood. After I moved I again worked with firewood (including work in the forest), fed cows and calves, cleaned the cow-house and also tried to milk the cows. Non-work activities were same as in Staffansgеrden; also on 30 March we watched a play based on a fairy tale, and on 31 (today) we went ice-fishing (no one caught anything, but the view on the lake is marvellous, we made hot-dogs with cocoa).

Food. Breakfast (7.30): various sorts of muesli with cold milk or "A-fil" (similar to Russian kefir). Tea break (10.00): tea and sandwiches. Lunch (12.00) can be rice/potato with chicken or stewed sausage bits, salad and something sweet (ice cream or cake). Soups are eaten once or twice a week (only I eat them with bread). Supper (17.30): sandwiches with cheese and different pates and sometimes eggs. Swedes drink coffee a lot, but not here, because it can be bad for the handicapped. Bread is not eaten every week, it's very expensive in Sweden (15 - 20 kr. per loaf); we get it from our own bakery.

I will soon be expected to take part in the cooking, and I feel somewhat uneasy about it, because the foodstuffs are unusual and expensive and because I've hardly ever cooked anything elaborate. So I try to help with cooking now, but we usually have other work during the hours when the food is made.

Entertainment. There's a TV room in every house, but one is discouraged to watch TV, except in the evenings. Anyway they subscribe only to 3 channels. It costs because there's little advertisement on TV (P.S: There's also a state fee for having a TV - about 400 kr. per 3 months). There' not much to see on TV: soap operas and police films. News programmes are at 21.00 and 22.00. So far all I've heard about Russia is opposition to NATO bombings. One evening I watch a documentary about 14-year-old children who had also been filmed 7 years before as Soviet children. I also take a tape recorder/radio from the kitchen and listen to Swedish radio stations, as well as to the Voice of America and Liberty (also in Russian) as I did at home.

There are two newspapers in the houses: national Dagens Nyheter and the local newspaper from Hudiksvall. I try to read them every day, but they are quite thick. They usually write about unemployment, underpaid nurses, attitudes towards immigrants (mostly Kurds), sexual crimes and now of course about Serbia/Kosovo.

The local cinema (100 kr.) and pool (25 kr.) are too expensive to go to. In the summer I'll be swimming in the lake for free.

Prices. Everything costs 3-5 times more than in Russia. Services, public transport, books cost 10 - 15 times more. I try not to buy anything.

Food prices (kr/kg): 
milk - 6.5, 
butter 1 kg - 46,
juice - 9, 
apples - 18, 
bananas - 19, 
lemons - 20, 
tomatoes - 30, 
eggs - 18 (from "free-going hens"), 
cabbage  - 6 (ecological - 22), 
potato - 8.5, 

Other prices (kr.): 
bus to Hudiksvall (30 km.) - 30, 
cheap pen - 3 (good pen - 20), 
paper A4x500 - 80,
driving lesson - 250 per hour,
hair cut - 200 (I had my last hair cut in Russia for 1 dollar), 
tooth filling - 350.

(P.S.: In 1999 Swedish prices were 23 % above EU's average. Prices in Norway and Denmark are even higher). 

My salary. I'll have free board, lodgings and medical service, 1000 kr. monthly (USD 110 ) as cash, one or two phone cards, plus I can also call home or use the car for the amount up to 1000 kr. per month (I can't get it as cash). (P.S. After 6 months all live-in co-workers automatically enter a "need system". In practice it means that the cash component is increased by 1 000 - 2 000 kr. But the system is complicated and saving is very discouraged).

My room. In Mickelshuset my room is bigger. It's on the ground floor, facing south. I have a bed, sofa, table, shelves, wardrobe (all very simple) and a toiled with shower. The house itself has three floors.

My work schedule. I have one free day between Mo. - Fr, and every other weekend). Work hours are 8.30 - 12 and 15 - 17. The rest of the time is "half-free", because we need to spend time with the handicapped.

Who lives in the house. Handicapped: 3 men and one woman. Co-workers: a Swedish woman (chief of the house, good-natured), a Japanese girl and a man from Australia/S.Africa with his teenaged daughter (he is also the chief of the garden).

Staffansgеrden's community. The handicapped in general are not at all wild, but about half of them hardly ever talk. Some of them can be untidy, utter shrieks and make gestures. I'm getting used to it now. The man that I'm minding now is almost OK, but he tends to eat too much, sometimes he wanders and steals things and from time to time he has epileptic fits.

Co-workers. I have not made any particular friends yet, but all the people are good humoured. I've mentioned some Swedes and the Australian. There's also one Bulgarian (we speak Russian with him sometimes), two German girls, one more Japanese girl and a Finn with a large family who "rules" Mickelsgеrden (he milks cows, drives a tractor and he's recently returned from a Russian Camphill village in Staraya Ladoga).

Ideology. Camphill movement. Staffansgеrden/Mickelsgеrden is the only Camphill village in Sweden. It's a part of the international Camphill movement started in Scotland by Karl Kцning. At first it was for handicapped children. They base their work on Christian principles, but see themselves as followers of A. Comenius (a philosopher and educator from Moravia, 17th century), Zinzendorf (a Christian missionary from Austria, 18th c.) and R. Owen (Welsh social reformer, 19 th c.; I remember he was mentioned in our school history books as a forerunner of socialism). These three people, especially Owen, tried to reform the society by creating brotherhood communities. Now Camphill villagers exist in various European countries (esp. Germany and Norway), USA, S. Africa, etc.

Swedish. I haven't done much progress since I arrived, because I haven't studied systematically. It's also possible to study with a teacher and the tuition is free. I'll need a book which will probably cost 300 kr (books cost 10 - 20 times higher than in Russia) and I'll probably need to come to Hudiksvall once a week. But it's unlikely that someone will be going to Hudik by car and the bus is very expensive: 30 + 30 = 60 kr.( P.S.: As I found later one can go also for 33 kr. round trip with a discount card) . Maybe I'll just read book, watch TV and talk.

April - May

1 APRIL
Today we sent all our villagers home to their parents for Easter. Then Yoko (the Japanese girl) and I went to buy food the holiday. In the evening I tried to milk the cows, but there wasn't much milk coming out. I have to press properly with my fingers. I've never milked before.

9 APRIL
On 5 April I went to Gдvle by train (150 km. from us, on the way to Stockholm) to fetch one of our charges from there. The train (x2000) goes very fast (twice the speed of elektrichka) and very smoothly. Today I'm free again I went to Hudiksvall and to Delsbo's library.

9 MAY
Health. I've had a cold for several days, but now I've almost recovered. I'll wait a few more days before starting to jog in the mornings. I hope the weather will also be warmer (now the day temperature is 5 - 15 C and we also have snow or hail sometimes). I also do a few morning jerks , but usually I get up pretty late, at 6.45, and at 7.00 I wake up my charge, Svante, and shave him.

At first when I came here I had very mixed dreams during sleep. Now I sleep more peacefully. Still I feel it strange sometimes that I live here in Sweden and not in Russia, as if I'm losing my identity or feel torn apart between two countries. No doubt it will pass with time. Then, when I return to Russia, I'll have to adapt again. But I think it's good for me, I want to be more adaptive and feel myself at equal ease in various countries.

Work. My responsibilities haven't changed. I still have one person to look after and one more 1 - 3 days a week when the Australian is having rest. The past week we worked in the orchard: made small supporting fences around the berry bushes. Sometimes we went to the woods to saw off low branches of the pines. We use special saws attached to long wooden poles that reach up to 7 meters. It gives more light to the forest (our cows will be grazing there in summer) and improves the quality of timber.

Last few days we also gathered old leaves on the lawns with special plastic rakes to prepare both estates for the annual gathering of the villagers' parents. The parents are here this weekend (Fr. 7/5 - Sun. 9/5). Fortunately, I'm off these days, but I will also help when needed.

During working days I also do some cleaning and feeding in the cow-house, usually in the mornings. I'm also responsible for the heating oven (it burns firewood heating several houses). Some more news from the animal farm: one cow was sent to the slaughterhouse because it gave too little milk and hadn't been in calf for too long, so the trailer came and we drove the poor being into it. Also one bull broke his horn; we had a visit from a vet who gave an anaesthetic injection and bandaged the bull's head.

Nature. Around our estate, Mickelgеrden, we have fields and, farther away, forests (mainly pines and birches). In the woods there are lots of moss covered stones up to 1 m. and bigger; I think there were brought here by glaciers (the last one was 15 000 years ago). These stones can also be seen at the borders of fields and by the roadsides.

We have two lakes here - Northern and Southern Dellen, the latter is only about 1 km. from us (we went ice fishing there a month ago). We are also not far from the sea: Hudiksvall (30 km. away) is on the sea shore.

A few weeks ago we went to one of the highest mountains here, Avholmsberget, commanding an amazing view on the surrounding villages and lakes. There's a cafe there with an exhibition of showing the history of the lakes. The were formed after the fall of a giant prehistoric meteorite (the crater was 20 km. in diameter).

The environment is very clean here. Garbage is sorted into paper (milk packs are rinsed inside and flattened), plastic, glass, food left-overs with other organic garbage (this is called "compost") and batteries. Beer and soft drink cans as well as bottles are accepted at the local food store by special automatic collecting machines: cans - 0.5 kr, glass bottles 0.6 - 1, and plastic bottles 1 - 4 kr. (depending on the size). I remember buying a 1.5 l. bottle of Fanta in Moscow for 14 rub., here the same empty bottle costs 12 rub. But, as I said, the environment is clean, so one cannot make much money collecting empty bottles.

Cultural events at Staffansgеrden. The Moving Word Theatre from Britain came here and gave a performance which I saw. Although the play was in English, it wasn't easy to understand the plot. The first part, repeated at the end with some changes, is about our time. The husband is visited by his lover, a young woman, who came to tell him that she is going to another country with another man. When they are alone the wife comes and sees them, a rumpus ensues, and as a result the man is deserted by both women. But in the middle part the characters are reincarnated into medieval nobles and minstrels, it's a fairy drama blending dance, acting, music, singing and light. I especially liked the moment when some actors represented trees in the wood and the main characters were making their way through the thicket of arms-"branches". It was a marvellous play, but still it was difficult to understand the meaning of some scenes.

Later we went to a concert by an English lira-player. He played his own compositions, as well as Bach, Irish ballads and even Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

Money. I've got a Swedish personal (social security) number and opened a bank account. Finally I could put my 10.500 kr. in a stable Swedish bank. I think it will be possible to transfer this money to another country, such as Canada, while I'm in Russia, but I need to find it out.

I get 1000 kr. every month. In April I spent just 200 kr., the rest has been saved.

Swedish. I have borrowed a Swedish course with cassettes from the Hudiksvall library (though our library in Dellbo) and studying it, slowly. I'm also reading an anthology of Swedish literature. I enjoyed the poetry of Karin Boye and Stig Dagerman's stories (unfortunately both of them committed suicides) and I'm looking forward to discover more fine writers. I've also read a book for children "Hugo och Josefin" which is very popular in Sweden.

I few weeks ago I wrote a Swedish test (an essay) in Hudiksvall. The teacher says I need to study Swedish on "A" level, before moving to "B" which is more devoted to the Swedish literature. The course starts in August.

My passive command of the language (reading and listening) is much better now, but speaking and writing are lagging behind.

Internet. On Friday I was in our local library and found a computer with access to Internet. It was absolutely free and there were crowds of people around (in Moscow I had to wait an hour at the Library of Foreign Literature or at Partia Internet Cafe to use the Internet 30 min.). I sat with the computer for 1.5 hours. Now I have an e-mail address again. I also attempted to make my personal home page. I reserved a place in Geocities.com, but haven't started to build the page yet. I have a few diskettes with my photos on, but I can't use them on the library computer.

The library is excellent: vast choice of books, orderly organisation of shelves computerised catalogue and extremely helpful personnel.

The great advantage of being in a Western country, such as Sweden, is that one can plunge into another culture and language and use the limitless resources of information, TV/radio, CDs and cassettes (some of the villagers have lots of them), the press, library with books and Internet and of course the people and the country itself. I could have just morsels of it all in Russia (of course I'm talking about the Swedish culture).

13 MAY
Today is a holiday in Sweden - Ascension day. All our villagers except one, have gone home till Sunday (17 May). We are just four in the big house: me, Ivan (villager) and the Australian man with his daughter. He's off today and I'm minding Ivan.

Ivan is a peculiar type. He's 24 and quite petite. He does not talk at all, neither can he work. Sometimes he shrieks shaking his hands, but most often he just utters "ah...ah...".

Today I overslept and awoke at 9.20 at Ivan's "ah...ah..." near my door (he usually gets up at 7- 8). He was standing in the corridor in his pyjamas. I led him to his room, washed him and helped to dress. I had breakfast with him (cornflakes with milk), lunch (potato and carrot sauce from yesterday), and "evening meal" (tea and sandwiches). We went for a walk before noon (1 hour in the nearby forest) and in the afternoon (40 min. around our estate, we looked at the river - bubbling and roaring with spring waters - near our sauna house). The rest of the time Ivan was wandering about the house and I was listening to cassettes and CD's belonging to another villager and reading the newspapers. At 20.45 I bathed Ivan, changed his clothes, and put him to bed.

News from Russia. I also called Mother today. She laid the floorboards on the ground floor of the house and made the water supply to her little wooden hut nearby. Now she is going to hire someone to make an oven in the hut. We also talked a bit about the new political crisis in Russia.

Yesterday I saw on TV that Yeltsin sacked Primakov and his government. He is using his tactics again: to take the opponents by surprise, but I think he's too ill for it now and it will be hard to find a good replacement for Primakov in the present situation. I think that Yeltsin is only causing further instability. Now there will be even less support for him.

After this news from Moscow they showed a report from a Russian prison (Matrosskaya Tishina). A terrible sight. People standing next to each other; in a cell for 13 people they put 80. Prisoners have to wait for their turn to sleep (maybe there's no turn for the weaker ones?), they have TB, hepatitis and other awful illnesses. In this prison alone hundreds are dying every year. They said that now there are so many inmates in Russian prisons as it was under Stalin's rule. People get into prison for various petty offences, because of the defective legislation. But it will take too long to change the laws (pass through the Duma, etc.), meanwhile people are dying in prisons of infections. There's also a serious danger of TB spreading in Russia if amnesty is declared (the Swedish TV advised people going to Russia or having contacts with Russians to get vaccinated).

14 MAY
Today is my day-off. I got up at 7, did morning jerks and ran about 1.5 km. towards Delsbo. I'll have breakfast soon, meanwhile I'll write down some things from the previous days.

Seminars. Every week we have seminars in Antroposophy - one in Swedish and one in English. At first I went to the Swedish seminars, but I understood next to nothing. It's not only because of the language, also the man who leads the seminar talks very obscurely, even Swedes find it hard to understand him.

From last week I started to attend the seminars in English. I do not enjoy them much either. We have been discussing the four temperaments (sanguinic, choleric, phlegmatic and melancholic), but I'm quite sceptical about it, because it's non-science. We've also been doing some euritmy (something like ballet) to depict the temperaments and other funny exercises (e.g. when 8 people massage one who is lying face down then raise him over their heads). (P.S. After a few weeks I dropped out of the seminars)

Riding school. I went there once because one of the participants fell ill. But we did not ride horses that day; just walking after them turning them with the reins to various directions. The horses are very clean, even lustrous. There will be a new group of participants soon, maybe I'll be able to join it.

Yesterday evening two elks came near to our house, and I've also seen many wild geese and swans around Mickelsgеrden.